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The brie shelf is empty it must be a sign

I thought I would go into a bit of background about expecting and our family.

We had wanted another baby for quite a while. I have some medical problems which meant that falling pregnant was not that easy after years of disappointment in January of 2013 we were thrilled to find out we were expecting. Only to have our dreams shattered a few weeks later when I miscarried. I remember that day well the day before I had been to the Dr as my pregnancy test had not increased from 1-2 weeks and it should have said 3+ weeks by now he ordered a second round of bloods which showed my levels not increasing. It was a Saturday morning and I had gotten up to go to the toilet noticed I was bleeding I crawled back into bed sobbing. Jase curled up to me never said a word and held me he held me for what felt like hours while I sobbed.

I had previously miscarried before and basically it was like you are meant to go on with life like it never happened and thats what I did the other times it was not talked about at all it was just brushed under the rug. This time it was harder I could not hold my feelings in this baby was so wanted and I did not understand why after years and years without any luck why a little hope was then and then it was just gone. Sure there were people who had been through much worse giving birth to still born children and having babies die after birth but to me this was a baby too and I wondered why miscarriage is treated different to other situations after all it still is a a baby after all.

I did what I had never done before I let my feelings known to my friends and family and expressed my sadness on Facebook. One day Ethan came home with a note from a mum from school inside was a beautiful note and prayers and I felt comfort knowing that I was not the only one who felt like I did.

After this I decided I could not go through the monthly disappointment anymore it was too much and we could not afford the IVF that had been recommended by the fertility specialist. We had the money but this was for my OB as I am a high risk patient. It was one or the other  so we used the money instead to go on a holiday to Hawaii in 10 months time.

That took my mind of things a bit as planning was exciting.

Three weeks before we were due to fly to Hawaii I was in the supermarket and wanted some brie cheese but there was nothing on the shelf at all. For some reason I went to the medicinal isle and picked up a pregnancy test my period was not due for 10 days so I’m not sure why I did this I went home and took the test straight away it came up positive with really strong lines I rang my OB right away he booked me into have a scan the next day and I rang my GP who organised bloods.

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Then I rang Jason I was so worried I was going to miscarry again.

My first scan showed a 5 week sac which shocked me I must have ovulated the day after my period finished to be that far along. My bloods showed they were rising and I had a follow up scan the next week which showed a beating heart I felt so overwhelmed with joy but also still concerned about miscarriage.

We decided not to tell anyone not even our family about our little seed and looked forward to our holiday in Hawaii.

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